firespeaker.org

Jonathan: "Maybe they just think that */p/ turned to /b/ in Germanic. But it only went half way."

Derek: "Yeah, that's how they got þorn."

Girl at check-out: "You just want the bagel?"

Derek: "Yeah. But I want the stuff inside too. Is that okay?"

Girl at check-out: "Sure."

"Positing *o is like positing Ident-Germanic and saying that among Uralic languages, Finnish has it most highly ranked."

[Derek feeds squirrel bread]

Jonathan: "Hey, Derek, gonna get tested for rabies?"

Derek: "Yeah, I guess I should—I wouldn't want to infect the squirrels."

"Breton music is like Irish dance music with Iranian instruments."

"Okay, look dude: one thigh, two thigh, butt, back."

Gabe: "When people tell me they're vegan, I just feel like shoving a steak down their throat."

Derek: "I'm vegan." [opens mouth]

Jonathan: "Why did the French decide to settle Louisiana? What were they thinking, with the bayous and the prehistorical aligator-looking thingies that eat you?"

Gabe: "Well, the French are frogs, right?"

Jonathan: "Well, they eat frogs."

Derek: "Maybe they were looking for Yoda."

"You can tell it's cold outside when humans start turning off the lights and watching something hot inside glow."

Jonathan: "I don't like the 373 bus as much as the 66 bus, because instead of dropping you off a block and a half from the house, it drops you off √50 blocks from the house."

Derek: "Uh, I think that's where my mother lives."

"It was funny when Derek had a question, you could tell—it was like watching a puppy. ‘Got a morphology problem boy?’"

"I'm not like you. I got all these vowels from my parents… and some consonants from these Klingons."

me, holding a can of Mountain Dew: "You know what would probably be good? This and orange juice."

Derek: "I donno man...."

me: "I mean it's green and orange—how can you go wrong with… oh, wait."

Derek: "Blood sucks."

Jonathan: "Then it'd be a vampire, but blood can't be a vampire—then it'd be cannibalistic."

"Okay, be careful when you're going to the bathroom, cause we don't want toilet paper falling in the toilet."

Derek: "Agh!"

Rianna: "What's wrong with your spine?"

Derek: "It's made out of bones!"

"'How'? You're asking the wrong guy—I'm not a class-VII expert."

Derek: "Look, cheerleaders."

Jonathan: "And they're not wearing their uniforms."

...

"That's interesting: if you eat spicy food with the back of your mouth, the back part gets burned."

"Why is it that the Kazakh flag strikes me as Romulan somehow?"

Derek: "Amy, you live in a boat."

Amy: "Yes, I do, and I was kept up last night because it was stormy."

Derek: "Oh, that'd be cool! Did you get sea-sick?"

Jonathan: "A lot of people look like Galen today."

Derek: "Yep: Cartoons. Real people."

"Oh, cool! I got a lump on my arm. And it's turning colours."

"But I just knew they'd be all like, 'Man, she stole our crack!'"

Jonathan: "People never write on your wall. They write on my wall all the time."

Derek: "Yeah, that's because you're friends with an entire country."

"I did have the dishes washed..."

"No, you see, it doesn't work that way—it's dark half the year, so you commit suicide, and the other half of the year, it's light, and you're dead."

"Do not put your baby in front of my car."

Derek: "No, Joyce, what you should be saying is ‘[in effeminite voice] atashi.’"

Meghan: "Is that the female you?"

Derek: "No, that's the Hello Kitty me."

Derek: "Something about the word ‘Kyrgyz’ sounds agressive."

Jonathan: "What about [qr̩ˈʀz̩] sounds agressive?"

"Well I'm gonna go watch atomic bombs. …Dude, they're pretty—it's too bad they suck."

Jonathan: "Look at all the different kinds of mould in there! There's white ones, black ones, grey ones, and green ones."

Derek: "And they're all living in harmony."

Chuck: "There's Low German forms, Middle High German forms, Upper High German forms, and even Anglo-Frisian forms. This is weird!"

Derek: "Maybe a non-native speaker wrote it."

Chuck: "Or they had some pretty heavy stuff back then."

Derek: [ftktp]!

Jonathan: "What's that?"

Derek: "Probably Berber."

Derek: "I think we should write in runes, and the British should write in Roman."

Jonathan: "What about the Australians?"

Derek: "… They can write in kanji."

Annex door creaks

Derek & Jonathan, in unison: "Ghosts!"

Derek: "Truth by concensus!"

Jonathan: "Mm, easy mac. I'm hungry. We don't have easy mac, do we?"

Derek: "No, but we have hard mac."

Derek: "I can't wait 'til next week, man."

Jonathan: "Why's that?"

Derek: "'Cause it's all over then. It's kind of like not being able to wait until you're euthanised."

"Он взял хлеб, потом убежал чють-чють подальше и там стоял и кушал. Не друг, то есть, а белка."