firespeaker.org

[Jonathan crops anon's picture for his github profile]

[anon]: "What do you think women will think when they see this?"

Jonathan: "I don't think that's what github's for. ... Like, not all of the internet is for that."

basically what i should do is, hang out with her and every time she rolls her eyes about someone, demand to meet that person

"I think hung over driving, while not as dangerous as drunk driving, is probably at least as non-productive. The other day I sat at stop sign through two songs waiting for it to turn green."

anon: "So is this worse than the topic you didn't bring up?"

Liv: "Nah."

Jonathan: "Yeah, sex goes fine with food."

Lennea: "And sometimes it makes it better!"

Lara: "Hm, it smells like animals in here."

anonymous: "It's all the Kyrgyz."

"Look at those two fireflies: they're flying close together and blinking. They must be mating! One's green and one's red. Oh. Wait, is that an airplane?"

"Chomsky would always cut people's feet off so he didn't have to step on their toes."

KJ: "Why can't my roommate see he's annoying me and just move out?"

Joyce: "Some people get satisfaction from annoying other people."

KJ: "Well, he's still paying rent."

Jonathan: "Some people pay to annoy other people."

KJ: "But he's poor."

Joyce: "Yeah, it's a luxury to be able to annoy other people."

"You celibate whore! Oh, wait…"

"But how will you know how to drive drunk unless you practice?"

"I don't like to pee—it's just something I have to do a lot."

"But in America, there are lots of—how do you call them?—homosexuals."

"It was cool, you know? I got intimate with her voice, or something."

"Unfortunately, all my finals [for grading] for [anonymous class] look good so far."

anon1: "Whatever, I don't have a problem with a girl being flirty and hitting me if I say something stupid. It's not like she'd actually beat me."

anon2: "Yeah, you'd just stand up and grab her boob."

anon1: "That's so wrong."

anon2: "Tit for tat."

"Father winter is groping my inner thighs."

"And now that I don't get stoned anymore, I do my dishes every day!"

"Women are like the eternal food source. They make things like beverages, and meats."

"Do a little evil, do a little monkey, get down tonight."

"Who wants to play push, fuck, or marry me?"

"The raw act of boy fellating man would not go down well in mainstream America. No pun intended."

"I mean, Xena has more sound effects than most asians."

"You know, why do all the buildings on campus have people's names on them? They didn't give that money out of the kindness of their heart. They wanted their name on a god-dammed building."

"They blasted Dragostea Din Tei on all the Israeli busses. I thought to myself, `No wonder the palestinians want to blow those things up.'"

Vickie: "Yes, you can change positions. Refusing to change your positions just means your pig-headed and stubborn and stupid."

Jonathan: "That makes me sad."

[anon]: "Drink up, Jonathan. That's the leader of the `free world'."

"I think the PeopleSoft backend is pretty good, but the PeopleSoft frontend sucks big donkey cock."

"I don't know if I'm going to keep that calendar open to that page. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and was like 'Holy Fuck! That penguin is going to eat me!' One by one the penguins steal my sanity."

David: "If you virus my computer, I'll eat your soul."

Rameez: "How are you going to do that?"

David: "The same way I eat this shit."

"Come on, nobody cares about the Ukraine—they just have nuclear melt-downs and become the butt of jokes"

"Ow. That was G-d getting back at me for saying 'stupid asshole Christian'."