firespeaker.org

"I conquered a Camry."

"Dude, I would, like, never get tired of being called Saint Steve."

Vickie: "I'm a year older than Matt."

Matt: "No you're not, because if you were, we wouldn't both be 21 right now."

Vickie: "Fine, I'm 9 months older than you."

Nat: "That's enough time to make a baby."

Vickie: "Yeah, I could be your mother."

everyone else in room confused.

oberon: "Uhm, that's not ... how ... it works."

"Guys, I have a get rich slow scheme. Okay, owning a cellar is a lot cheaper than owning a vinyard..."

"It's hard to write porn from the point of view of Plato."

"I was like wait a minute, I can taste the alcohol in this, but then I realised it was the grapefruit."

"I smell incense. That incensitive bastard."

"Yes, we're writing character sheets for silverware. Shut up."

Nat: "Don't you want 50cc of chocolate ice cream?"

Vickie: "Oh! I need to call my mother!"

"I really don't understand people who like opera, and I mean like Klingon opera and Wagner. And yes, I equate those two."

Ian: "With slight modifications, the iPod could greatly benefit the blind."

Nat: "With slight modifications, the iPod could be made into a tricorder."

Matt: "With slight modifications, the iPod could be made to be sentient."

Jonathan: "But then how would you know the iPod is sentient and not just the sentience inside?"

Matt: "I'm not allowed to discuss that."

Nat: "Reciprocical could be a type of popsicle."

Jonathan: "You mean a `recipopsicle'?"

Vickie: "The popsicle that sucks you?!"

Matt: "Well, it would go numb after a while."

Nat: "Yeah, Hood chocolate milk is good..."

Jon: "Chocolate cheese is not."

"You see, we're edumacatifying you."

"I think s'more Schnapps is the best idea ever. Do they make that? Graham cracker liquour?"

Jonathan: "If the flour turns into pie crust, then how do those kids in plays deal with getting it out of their hair?"

Nat: "They don't put flour in their hair—they put shoe polish or baby powder in their hair."

Jon: "Or Kool-Aid."

oberon: "It's just funny that you have a picture of your boyfriend framed and labelled 'Kitty'. One of them you leave bowls of cream out for. One of them's a cat."

Ian: "No, one them you put bowls of cream out for; the other one puts bowls of cream out for you."

Nat: "Wait, what? Now you guys have to tell me."

oberon: "I was just making stuff up to scare Jon."

Jonathan: "And I was just making stuff up to scare Nat, and oberon played along rather nicely."

Nat: "... Somehow I don't trust either of you."

Nat: "Look at the specs; it turns out that a lot of the examples out there are wrong. I had a lot of trouble until I checked the specs."

Jonathan: "Well, I looked at your code."

Nat: "Don't look at my code—I looked at your code!"

Jonathan: "You know what? Actually, I could just give you an account on my box, you could ssh in, run vmware via X-forwarding, and---"

Nat: "Uhm, Jonathan, that sounds like one of the slowest ideas for computing ever. Plus it'd be over encrypted wireless, which adds even more layers."

Greer: "If she ever comes back here again, I'll break her kneecaps!"

Nat: "Because that's the only thing you can reach."

"My uncle... Well, actually my aunt."

"Vicke, whoring out your boyfriend for your own amusement is not a good idea."

"This is chocolate and not bugs, right?"

[takes a sniff]

"Yeah, good."

Nat: "If you keep speaking French, I'll be forced to hit you."

Jonathan: "What's wrong with French?"

Nat: "French sounds like ass."

Matt: "Nat, I don't know what your ass sounds like."

Nat: "I can show you."

Matt: "If it sounds like French, then okay."

"I took off my pants because, like, they were bothering me."

Jonathan [referring to an incident that just happened]: "Well, if a weird shape appeared out from behind a wall and meowed at you, you'd be scared too."

Nat: "Yeah. I'm sorry I scared you, Vickie. I was calling you in your native tongue."

Jonathan: "Всё. Пошли."

Nat: "I wonder if Vickie understands kick-to-the-shins."

Nat: "You wanna try my cheese popcorn?"

oberon: "I'll try anything food-like—ooh, that's not so much like food."

Jon: "Who left the iced tea pitcher with 2 shots in it?"

Vickie: "Wait, you don't measure iced tea in shots."

Nat & Jonathan simultaneously: "Jon measures everything in shots."

Jonathan: "What's Microsoft encumbered technology?"

oberon: "SOAP. That's why Nat never showers."

Jonathan: "Wait, what? ... Oh."

oberon: "I think chunks of shampoo are owned by Sun."

oberon: "In one of those tests linked to on Jon's test page, there's a question that asks 'Do you frequently make references to things that you have heard or read?'"

Matt: "No, most of my conversations are smell-based."

Nat: "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra."

Jonathan: "This sound card should work right and shouldn't."

Matt: "That's because everyone and his mom has messed with it."

Jonathan: "Yeah, you and Nat."

Matt: "Well, I'm everyone and Nat's his mother."

"I trust the Boulevard not to actively poison me, just not to not passively poison me, like this crap."

"American Tongues sounds like a porno."

"Well, you can actually navigate the steam pipes I'm told. You just have to figure out when which ones fire—No, I'm serious; people have done this."