firespeaker.org

"Yeah, what's up with people who can't take naps? I think it's bisexual people—people who are bisexual can never take naps."

"You see, cats are a lot more resourceful than plants."

"This is soo cute. This is like middle school on crack."

"Vickie, what has Brandeis taught you? You have Jesus in your livingroom and Hitler in your heart."

Vickie: "I'm a year older than Matt."

Matt: "No you're not, because if you were, we wouldn't both be 21 right now."

Vickie: "Fine, I'm 9 months older than you."

Nat: "That's enough time to make a baby."

Vickie: "Yeah, I could be your mother."

everyone else in room confused.

oberon: "Uhm, that's not ... how ... it works."

Jonathan: "Чё готовишь? [What're you making?]"

Vickie: "Cauliflower."

Jonathan: "С яйцами? [With eggs?]"

Vickie: "Yep."

Jonathan: "И с флафом?! [And with marshmallow fluff?!]"

Vickie: "Yep. And with paprika and Tony's."

Matt: "Well, I'd rather be able to feed you than put jalapeños in it."

Vickie: "Why?"

Matt: "Because I like you more than I like jalapeños."

Jonathan: "The founders of modern anthropology and modern linguistics were both secular Jews."

Vickie: "The founder of modern psychology was a secular Jew."

Jon: "The founder of Christianity was a secular Jew."

Nat: "Don't you want 50cc of chocolate ice cream?"

Vickie: "Oh! I need to call my mother!"

"Crack is rocks, cocaine is powder."

[Vickie pats Matt's head.]

"What?... One's for rich people and one's for poor people. I have to know which one to buy."

Nat: "Reciprocical could be a type of popsicle."

Jonathan: "You mean a `recipopsicle'?"

Vickie: "The popsicle that sucks you?!"

Matt: "Well, it would go numb after a while."

Vickie: "Well, you vary plus-or-minus five pounds or so every day anyway."

Jon: "Yeah, I mean, I take a shit, and there goes ten pounds... I brush my teeth, and there's another five."

Vickie: "To sleep with Vickie."

Jon: "Uhm."

Vickie: "Yeah, you know, like `to bed with me'."

Matt: "I'm not disagreeing with any of the words you've been saying."

"Okay, well, none of you are 10-page papers, and none of you are due on Monday. Except possibly Vickie."

Jonathan: "Whoa, there's all sorts of junk in there."

Vickie: "Yeah. It's a trash can."

Jonathan: "Well, there's like styrofoam and banana peals."

"That's an expensive relationship. He could find a cheaper one. He just doesn't know how to manage his money."

"Mostly because I had an overactive imagination. And my little sister was very stupid. Or, you know, little."

Vickie: "What country's flag is this?"

Jonathan: "Guess."

Vickie: "Mexico?"

Jonathan: "Uh, no..."

Vickie: "Spain?"

Jonathan: "Noo.."

Vickie: "Africa?"

Jonathan: "Uh, Vickie..?"

"Yay! Sexual Harrassment."

oberon: "We all have a little bit of 12-year-old girl inside. You're one to talk!"

Vickie: "I beat mine senseless and tie her up and rape her."

Vickie: "Your computer stole my hair!"

Matt: "It loves you too."

oberon: "It just wanted something to remember you by."

Matt: "It wants a lock of your hair to use as its favour in a jousting tournament. Oh, by the way, I told you I entered your computer in a jousting tournament, didn't I?"

Vickie: "Vickie am hungry."

oberon: "Vickie am go in closet."

oberon: "It's just funny that you have a picture of your boyfriend framed and labelled 'Kitty'. One of them you leave bowls of cream out for. One of them's a cat."

Ian: "No, one them you put bowls of cream out for; the other one puts bowls of cream out for you."

"Only a Pole would put 'z's where he didn't know what letters go."

[giggles] "Pain is funny."

"Vicke, whoring out your boyfriend for your own amusement is not a good idea."

Nat: "If you keep speaking French, I'll be forced to hit you."

Jonathan: "What's wrong with French?"

Nat: "French sounds like ass."

Matt: "Nat, I don't know what your ass sounds like."

Nat: "I can show you."

Matt: "If it sounds like French, then okay."

[in a seductive voice]

"You say you like prime numbers? Well.... I've got something that's only divisible by one.. and itself."

Jonathan [referring to an incident that just happened]: "Well, if a weird shape appeared out from behind a wall and meowed at you, you'd be scared too."

Nat: "Yeah. I'm sorry I scared you, Vickie. I was calling you in your native tongue."

Jonathan: "Всё. Пошли."

Nat: "I wonder if Vickie understands kick-to-the-shins."

"What is this? This is beginning to sound like the student union."

Jon: "Who left the iced tea pitcher with 2 shots in it?"

Vickie: "Wait, you don't measure iced tea in shots."

Nat & Jonathan simultaneously: "Jon measures everything in shots."

Vickie: "Yes, you can change positions. Refusing to change your positions just means your pig-headed and stubborn and stupid."

Jonathan: "That makes me sad."

[anon]: "Drink up, Jonathan. That's the leader of the `free world'."

oberon: "Well, this could be typical, and they'll have sex, or she'll kick him in the balls and it'll be really funny."

Vickie: "It's Sex and the City, what do you think?"

oberon: "This could be the city part."

Jon: "Ooh, we could so make a white Russian."

Jonathan: "With cranberry vodka?"

Vickie: "That would be a gay white Russian. It'd be a rainbow Russian."

"Shut the fuck up, you potty mouth."

Vickie: "We can make margaritas, but we need a blender"

oberon: "Render? Burritos? Huh?"