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"You can tell it's cold outside when humans start turning off the lights and watching something hot inside glow."

"Sometimes I just want to yell out my window at the drivers."

"If I were a buffalo, and I tasted this good, I'd want to be factory farmed."

"They're called anti-formants, kinda like matter and anti-matter. Except if they meet, there's no explosion. And you can't make a space ship engine with them. You can't travel at light speed by going 'ananana'."

"It's like a James Bond movie: 'A Pure Tone Rings Forever.'"

Jonathan you make kazakh people go WOW!

"Father winter is groping my inner thighs."

Jonathan: "That's what weekends are for: taking care of stuff that got out of hand during the week."

Rianna: "Yeah, like sobriety."

Jonathan: "A lot of people look like Galen today."

Derek: "Yep: Cartoons. Real people."

"And now that I don't get stoned anymore, I do my dishes every day!"