firespeaker.org

"We're trying, but it isn't that easy—that part of Nova Scotia isn't anywhere."

my mother: "Did you put all your candy in a bag?"

me: "Nah, I just took some wrapping paper and put it all in there."

my mother: "But it's not a bag..."

me: "It's taped together though."

my mother: "But I taped it..."

me: "How can you recall food?"

my mother: "If you don't, it recalls itself."

"Do you know what I would've done to have a digging tool that went this deep when I was a kid?"

"That ad is a nightmare—I can't imagine quilting toilet-paper for a living."

"This should be a warning to all the groups out there—don't write inane lyrics when you're young, because when you're older you'll be performing them on PBS and you'll look like a fool."

"You guys had lots of things growing up that other people had never heard of, like broccoli cookies."

"Flips like a pancake, lands like a rock—that's your father."

me: "What happened to that banana?"

my mother: "They missed with the flame thrower they were using to kill the bugs."

me: "‘Draco’?"

my mother: "Yeah, they've started naming winter storms now."

me: "After what, Harry Potter characters??"

my mother: "Constellations, Latin names of things that might scare us, ..."