firespeaker.org

"Somehow I think the soda market is more fluid than the music industry."

"Chomsky would always cut people's feet off so he didn't have to step on their toes."

"It's probably been about 20 years since I've eaten play-dough, but I still remember what it tastes like."

KJ: "Why can't my roommate see he's annoying me and just move out?"

Joyce: "Some people get satisfaction from annoying other people."

KJ: "Well, he's still paying rent."

Jonathan: "Some people pay to annoy other people."

KJ: "But he's poor."

Joyce: "Yeah, it's a luxury to be able to annoy other people."

[English department turns off lights and opens door because it's hot out]

[Confused undergrads misconstrue this to mean they're closed, so English department puts up sign]

Sign reads: "We're open. Come on in!"

Jonathan: "Hey, you ended a sentence with a preposition! Two even!"

Secretary 1: "… Oh no!" [tears down sign]

Jonathan: "Yeah, what'll people think of the English department‽"

Secretary 1: "Yeah, we have to fix that!"

Jonathan: "How're you gonna fix it?"

Secretary 1: "… Uhm… We could maybe leave just one preposition? ‘We're open; come in.’ But no, I guess we need to get rid of both. ‘We're open; come!’"

Jonathan: "Yeah, that might work. Good thing we caught it!"

Secretary 2: "Yeah, they're going to shame me and fire me tomorrow when they find out about this!"

[Jonathan tells Joyce the story]

Joyce: "You shouldn't mess with people like that."

Derek: "I think we should write in runes, and the British should write in Roman."

Jonathan: "What about the Australians?"

Derek: "… They can write in kanji."

"I don't think I've ever had smore burn-out."