firespeaker.org

(01:45:50) оберон: Women are like my broken window shade.

(01:45:58) оберон: You can pull as hard as you want, but it's not going to change anything

(01:46:08) оберон: and the only solution is to jam them between your bed and the wall with a heavy blanket

(01:46:26) оберон: see, I have the gift if stupalogy

(01:46:29) оберон: it's not quite stupid

(01:46:33) оберон: and it's not quite an analogy

(01:46:38) оберон: and people are just so shocked they smile and nod

(01:46:57) оберон: and don't think to question how it is, exactly, that women are like a piece of plastic rolled over a metal bar.

(01:47:16) оберон: if they did, though, I'd calmly explain that it has to do with the sprinsg.

(01:47:18) оберон: springs, even.

(01:47:55) оберон: Life is like a fire alarm: you wish it would just stay nice and quiet but it never does and you always end up all wet.

(01:48:23) оберон: Now in actuality, a fire alarm is a device which goes "BUZZ" and life is a bunch of organic compounds wiggling about. But people buy it anyway

(01:45:30) оберон: Women are like telephones. They ring when you don't want them to, they don't ring when you want them to, and they have a tendency to wake you in the middle of the night.

(01:44:27) оберон: Women are like toasters. You've got to wait for a bit, and then they go ding. And if you keep waiting, you get a fire. And then you get a guy beating you senseless with a chair.