firespeaker.org

Matt: "People who dislike homosexuals should support gay marriage because everyone knows after you get married, you stop having sex."

Jonathan: "How do you know that?"

Matt: ...

oberon: "Well, we do know your birthday."

Matt: "I do have younger brothers, though."

Ian: "Are your brothers married?"

Matt: "I have two younger brothers and two cats. You do the math."

oberon: "That leaves three days of the week."

Derek: "No, Joyce, what you should be saying is ‘[in effeminite voice] atashi.’"

Meghan: "Is that the female you?"

Derek: "No, that's the Hello Kitty me."

"But in America, there are lots of—how do you call them?—homosexuals."

Meghan: "People used to throw batteries at me because they thought I was gay."

Julia: "And they thought you needed the batteries why?"

Doug: "Cause after 2 beers, I'm starting to feel it. I don't get mean; I just get gay and happy—or maybe ‘gay’ isn't the right word."

Shoshana: "No, you definitely do not get gay."

Jonathan: "You can write s/he."

Jurgen: "And if you add the neuter pronoun, you get a funny sort of word—I'm not going to say it."

Shawn: "He's so gay. He must spend at least 3 hours on his moustache alone in the morning!"

Michaela: "Oh, come on–you know you like girls who do that."

"Yeah, what's up with people who can't take naps? I think it's bisexual people—people who are bisexual can never take naps."

"My laptop's drive is never floppy; it's always hard."

"Yeah, there's only one chick in software engineering. Unless you count Kolb."

"Okay, well, none of you are 10-page papers, and none of you are due on Monday. Except possibly Vickie."

"You're not the straight man in gay porn!"

"My uncle... Well, actually my aunt."

"I'd sleep with President Bush for money. It'd create a huge scandal."

"I think I'm addicted to violence like you're addicted to gay porn."

"Vicke, whoring out your boyfriend for your own amusement is not a good idea."

"This chocolate gives me female orgasms."

Jon: "Ooh, we could so make a white Russian."

Jonathan: "With cranberry vodka?"

Vickie: "That would be a gay white Russian. It'd be a rainbow Russian."

"There are certain parts of my body I can't balance a book on."

Aaron: "You know, I just realised that 'shermanate' can be present tense and past tense, you know, like 'Sherman' . . . 'ate'."

Laura: "You're the queen of the retarded."

Aaron [falsetto voice]: "Why thank you."

"Have you seen that guy—Matt Sachs? He's such a stud!"

"Forget that 'all-for-one' shit. I'm a minority of a minority of a minority and no one supports my ass."

"She's like that Justice Brandeis guy come back as a Turkish girl!"

"Most animals that are scared of guys aren't scared of me."

"‘Stop hugging strange men and sit down.’ … Oh, that's actually what's happening."

"For Indiana, Irkutsk is gay-friendly."

"I have problems with gender."

CB: "Niko, are you straight on your paper?"

Niko: "Yeah. But that's the only thing I'm straight on."

"No, no Noğays have ever wanted to sleep with me. To my knowledge."

"They're probably from Bumfuck, Idaho, where there's no gay community at all."

Fran: "So I was at the bar at the airport and there was someone on the TV saying that banning same-sex marriage should be up to the states."

me: "Yeah... ☹"

Fran: "And murder legalised by school-district."

me: "Wait, what??"

Fran: "Well, I'm extrapolating."